If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
