so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
