lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
