1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
