batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
