Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
