so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
