Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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