something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
