meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
