whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
