He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize