Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
