my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
