FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
