CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
