they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
