I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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