scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
