I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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