She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize