Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
