Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
