She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
