PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
