and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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