I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
