Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize