i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
