I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
