I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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