I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
