dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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