from now on my penis is your penis
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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