was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
