u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
