If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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