he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need moral support for this bender
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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