hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've blown a few things in my day
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
