My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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