I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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