Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
