it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
