I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
