Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Holy sore nipples Batman
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