The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
