your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
