Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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