Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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