thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
