it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
