Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
