so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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