I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
