hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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