well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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