The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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