I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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