the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I made him laugh his dick is mine
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize