there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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