felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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