Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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