Yo dont text me then not text me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
