I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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