I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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