quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
