I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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