i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
