I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
