between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
