it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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