If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
