this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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